


edlights.

by Anonymous



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Deadlights (IT), Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Gen, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, POV Richie Tozier, Pre-Slash, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier's Internalized Homophobia, What Richie Tozier Saw in the Deadlights, oh no that's a tag? richie darling im so sorry, this entire fic is richie darling im so sorry tbh but at least i didnt kill edward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:48:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22739842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Richie's okay, he really is. Except he's caught in the Deadlights, and it knows he likes men and it knows he's afraid. And oh: it's threatening to hurt Eddie Kaspbrak.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26
Collections: Anonymous





	edlights.

**Author's Note:**

> this is Really heavy on the internalized homophobia/biphobia (unspecified whether Richie's gay/bi, you choose I guess) - so probably important to say that i drew a little on my experiences w/ internalised biphobia & my own fears at some point to write this. that i am a queer person and this comes from a place of empathy - i know it's not like this for everybody but it was like this for me, in some way, and i'm imagining this to be how it is for richie, too.  
> that fear that everyone you love will hate you for being gay is unfortunately very much a thing.
> 
> but yeah, like i said. this has a LOT of self-hate / internalised homophobia. it ends alright, but it's really not a feel good fic.

Richie’s okay, he really is. Except he’s in the coldest darkest place he’s ever been in the mouth of some sort of fierce beast and it’s so tremblingly awful here. _lights through the darkness the feeling of numbness some foreboding Eddie’s phalanges fucking Risk ANAlYST no no no don’t think about that don’t think about him no not here not now not now not now and Richie has_

_no body and also nobody hahaha A Wife did you even the shudder hits him through the cold because it is very cold and it makes a home in his heart termite-like, here he is, trashmouth tozier this is where the audience laughs this is where the hides the palpitations the way his mouth goes dry at little men with running shoes and angry voices and the moment he’d seen Eddie he’d thought Oh it’s You you the one i remembered even when i forgot Eddie Eddie Eddie little Eddie Kaspbrak eddie gonna get his arm torn off and it will be Because of you you couldn’t keep him safe the first time either_

_the snap of his arm as it breaks the way his fingers curl around the rim of the shot glass their legs tangled in the hammock what a shame richie how dirty how disgusting avert eyes look away look away don’t think of him like that don’t think of him like that and then the poem from 2004 about knowing that a boy who likes boys is a dead boy and also about drowning this is the way the balloon floats untethered there is Nobody to hold it HE’S MARRIED TO A WOMAN would it matter even if he were married to a man richie it doesn’t matter who he’s married to richie he wouldn’t have married you anyway and he has you ruined for love_

_floating now like that summer you almost died no not that summer this time you had no friends and no memories only an empty studio apartment and you made a mistake you really did you wish you’d gotten AdHD medication earlier hahahaha top grades academically that tozier kid’s smart hm going places hm out of this shithole city hm but worst bad conduct grades haha won’t stop moving humming under his breath fidgeting restless like a storm in a glass bottle shaking unsettling messy richie tozier can you SIT still can you not hyperfixate on street fighter down at the arcade feeling of sickness in the pit of your stomach_

_bevvie will hate you won’t she she will hate you because you are all the things you once assumed she was just because she was a girl and you were a boy but that’s not what this is about this is about beverly seeing you for what you are and being disgusted the mouth that touched the cigarette she gave you out of a purse pocket that mouth wanting the warm weight of turgid cock heavy and leaking that horrible unwieldy mouth richie why do you think they call you what they call you it’s because you’re disgusting because you’re_

_you want things can you imagine stan rolling his eyes he will not want you ANYwhere near him now will he why would he shhhh move aside move aside move aside he probably never liked you much anyway and then there’s bill and ben and ben will be too nice to tell you he thinks you’re disgusting but you know he will look at you through the lens of it richie richie richie your friends will leave you here in the sewers to rot you will finally be alone missing poster obituary hhorrible gay disappointment oh actually you’re bisexual does it look like we fucking care does it look like we will stick around to see you_

_and forget this then forget them forget them forget them richie what about Eddie eddie eddie love of your life stars in your sky richie he’s going to slaughter you alive he’s going to never talk to you again he has a wife richie he has a wife he is –_

Pulling him down? Leaning over him? Yelling something about killing IT and Richie remembers and feels it somewhere in his throat, the way the deadlights had gloated, Eddie Kaspbrak’s arm some sort of trophy. And Richie swallows around it, thinks of all the times Eddie’s gotten hurt because of him. Pulls Eddie closer, rolls out of the niche, hears the sound of alien clown spider claw embedding itself into the wall right behind him. Not again. Never again.

“Eddie Kaspbrak is off-limits, you fucking homophobe!” Richie yells. The world stills for a minute.

“What?” Eddie asks. But he looks disoriented too; near-death-experience disoriented. Plenty of _that_ emotion to go around.

“Never mind,” Richie says. “We’ve got one clown to eradicate.”

And Eddie, beautiful angry 5’9” Eddie next to him half nestled in Richie’s arms, laughs. Alive, alive, alive.

“Prepare to go out like smallpox, shithead,” Eddie says.

For what feels like the first time in hours, Richie smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> highkey want to write eddie kissing richie out of the deadlights now uwu  
> if it makes you feel any better i teared up a little too.  
> ok cool byeeeeee


End file.
